Why AND What???

I am all alone again… My younger sister hangs out with her friends and I don’t know what to do with no money, with no friends, with no special boyfriend. Holiday is come over again. Everybody will busy with their life. Looking with their needs, enjoy with their life with all stuff they have, and I am sitting here still looking what I’m gonna do after this. I want to cry, but with no reason. I don’t know what is going on with me..? What happened to me?? I keep asking to myself what I want. What I need?? What I am looking for?? But I never get the answer. I am bored with these questions!! But I can’t ignore it!! It’s always in my mind… I am the lonely gal with nothing!! What I am supposed to do?? I'm very sick with this style of life!! I cannot be alone!! I can’t!!! I need friends, I need someone beside me!!! I need accompany… I really do!! I don’t want to feel this way!! I am sick!!! What is going on with me?? I’m sick watch the television all day, all nights... I feel very bored and lonely!!! I'm turning to 26 and I want something new in my life, something different and what is that?? How to be that??? I cannot be alone!! I don’t want to be a desperate woman!! Luckily I'm studying… i make myself busy with assignment even i dont have one, classes, but now its holiday!! I don’t know what to do… I cannot ignore what inside deep in my heart needs…I want my life back!!! My cheerful life, my great friends, is this my punishment of what I was did last time?? I am blank!!! Maybe I miss someone, someone I used to love and to be loved, but when I looked it back the man who not responsible what his doing, turn me on to be stronger, ambitious and feel forgiveness even though my agony never ends until my last breath. But now, he came back!!! Not to continuing our relationship, but for doing some MLM. I remembered his last sms to me... “I will not attach with you anymore!!” and nowadays why he almost everyday sms me? just because of his own significance?? Just because for his own MLM business?? God sake, he knows that I still love him… still hope we back together even though I know it’s really impossible… and what he try to do?? And I don’t know what is going on, don’t know what I am gonna do, but with no idea, I met him. He still the same with silent, talk when important things, secretive person, and still using the same shirt and sandals that I gave to him. Damn!! I love him very much!! And I pretend that I had somebody but deep inside my heart I still need him n still love him. I pretend in front of him that I accepted that our ended relationship, accepted he dumb me, accepted he has a new girlfriend, even I don’t know whether it true or not, accepted what he done to me and pretended that I already throw away my feelings towards him… Shit!! I am lying to myself!!! And maybe killing myself!!! DAMMMNNN!!!!!

SITI INSHIRA DAMIA

WHAT A CUTE BABY..!!! THIS IS MY NEW NIECE. WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY DEAR!! UDA HOPE DAMIA WILL BE A GOOD GAL, BE A PRETTY WOMAN SO THAT YOU CAN BE ONE OF THE AMERICAN NEXT TOP MODEL CONTESTANT.. OR MISS WORLD ONE DAY.. HEHEHE.. YOU WILL CHEER UP OUR FAMILY BACK AND SINCE DAMIA BIRTH, SECARA TAK LANGSUNG, I SPOKE WITH MY MOM YANG DAH BERBULAN TAK BERCAKAP N BERJUMPA.. THANKS DAMIA!! YOU'LL BRING THE HAPPINESS IN OUR FAMILY BACK.. I AM SO HAPPY I HAVE DAMIA!!! SONOKNYE DAPAT BABY GAL!!!! JADI CAM UDA EKK SUKA PINK!!!

New Born...

baby Lilin Syuuukkkuuurrr kepada tuhan.. alhamdulillah.. aku dapat seorang lagi nephew baru sebentar tadi.. BABY GAL!!! memang impian keluarga aku untuk memiliki baby gal selain dari 2 hero yang amat nakal dan terlampau agresif.. satu lagi kurniaan tuhan yang lahir untuk melalui segala cabaran dan dugaan hidup yang telah pun tersurat dalam hidupnya.. aku doakan semoga baby gal baru ini dapat menempuh hidupnya dalam dunia yang penuh hipokrit ini dengan sabar n tabah.. Yupp!! semuanya telah ditentukan.. terasa nak menangis plak bila memikirkan perihal baby!!! l love kids.. Yaahoooo!!! tak sabar nak tengok Nephew baruuu!!! Bila nak ada baby neh...???

Cant Take That Away

recently i felt very down/sad.. because my situation,my financial, my study, workplace.. partner.. so many things.. even sometimes i dont know the exactly my problems.. betul ke aku ada masalah?? macam ada, macam takde... so many things in my head.. but one of my friends remind me a song by Mariah Carey that i used listened before when i feel down, other than I Will Survive (lagu peberet gak)so, bila dengar music, n also the lyrics.. hayati lagu neh.. rasa cam bersemangat semula.. semua orang cuba untuk merampas apa yang kita ada kenangan, cinta, kebahagiaan, kegembiraan, kesenangan, dan apa2 jua dalam hidup kita, mereka boleh berbuat apa sahaja, berkata apa sahaja, tapi dalam diri kita ada satu permata yang tidak dapat dirampas dan dipegang oleh orang lain dan yang tidak dapat dikalahkan oleh orang lain.. iaitu HATI. jagala hati itu dengan sebaiknya.. persetankan manusia yang cuba merampas, pedulikan mereka yang berkata2, perjuangkan apa yang kita ada.. so, sedikit sebanyak lirik lagu ini dapat membantu aku untuk bangkit semula.. CANT TAKE THAT AWAY by Mariah Carey... ** thanks afiq cos remind me ** They can say anything they want to say try to bring me down but i will not allow Anyone to succeed Hanging clouds over me And they can try hard to make me feel that i dont matter at all but i refuse to falter in what i believe or lose fiath in my dreams Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly they can try but they cant take away from me from me They can do anything they want to you if you let them in but they won't ever win If you cling to your pride and just push them aside see.. i have learned there's an inner peace i own.. something in my soul that they cannot possess So, i won't be afraid and darkness will fade No.. They can't take this precious love i'll always have inside me certainly the lord will guide me where i need to go They can say anything they want to say try to break me down but i won't face the ground i will rise steadily Sailing out of their reach Oh lord They do try hard to make me feel that i don't matter at all But i refuse to falter in what i believe or lose faith in my dreams.. Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly They can try But they can't take that away from me From me...

its coincidence...

my goodness!! i open one of the blogger and i find that our blog name almost the same.. 'soulz' same wordss.. but what can i say is.. its coincidence.. itu yang terkeluar dari hati n my head.. hehe. to that person, jangan marah ek...

it just begin...

it just begin... just like this kids.. they dont bother what will people think n say about them naked in public... and they dont know nothing just like myself, i just create this blog and hope you'll teach me how to make this blog nice, improve, and maybe you'll know me better.... Love You Sis!! Thanksss!!!